Hello and welcome back to the programme on Family Matters.

Last time, we considered the fact that marriages need commitment to work together through times of difficulty. We acknowledged the need to have God as a third strand in our relationship.

But does a Christian marriage always ensure lasting happiness?

The truth is that we make mistakes, and the love which seemed so deep and lasting can fade and seem to have been destroyed. What do we do when it seems that no amount of work can repair a broken relationship? Malachi 2.16 says that God hates divorce. God intended that marriage vows were for life and so divorce is against what he wants for his people. Nevertheless, because we are sinful beings who get things wrong, God recognises there are circumstances where divorce is allowed. In Matthew 19 verses 8 and 9, Jesus says that sexual immorality in either party constitutes valid grounds and in 1 Corinthians 7:15, Paul considers desertion by an unbelieving spouse to be cause for divorce.

However, a Christian couple should seek every means of resolving their difficulties and mending a broken relationship. They may ask for help from a Christian counsellor. They should strive to bring the matter to God in prayer and listen for his voice. David Pawson tells the story of a church who were reading through the Bible together. Each person had to read for 15 minutes with no idea beforehand what they would be expected to read. One lady was intending to go to her solicitor to file for divorce after her turn. She found herself reading the words from Malachi – I hate divorce. She heard God speak to her and went back to try to work on her marriage.

Marriage is God’s gift for companionship and for the procreation of children.

Sexual union is God’s gift to us to enjoy. The Song of Solomon in the Old Testament describes the delights of sexual love within the marital relationship, and is helpful for a couple to read together, both before and during marriage.

The gift of sexual union is given only to a married couple. There is no exception to this. The love between a man and a woman must be pure. The fact that sexual infidelity is cited as a cause for divorce tells us just how seriously God takes this. Genesis 2.23 describes God’s creation of woman from Adam’s rib, and explains that this why when a couple come together in sexual union, they become one flesh – a single and compete entity.

How do we achieve the high standards God sets?

In Romans 7.19, Paul recognises that in the frailty of his flesh, even although he knows the right thing to do and wants to do it, he finds he fails. Although he really wants to avoid evil, he finds himself drawn towards it. God understands the struggle, and promises us the help of his Holy Spirit to give us strength. In 1 Corinthians 10.13, Paul assures us that although we will be tempted, our faithful God will never allow us to be tempted beyond what, with his help, we will be able to resist.

Faithfulness is the watchword

The New Testament firmly teaches that we should have only one partner and that we should be faithful to that person. In 1 Corinthians 7.2, Paul writes: But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. And to Titus he says that for those who would be leaders in the church, only one wife is permitted. The Old Testament appears to condone polygamy, but this is perhaps because of the morals of the surrounding nations. The fact that the Israelites fell into these practices does not negate God’s original intention that one partner was the ideal. Israel’s downfall may at least in part be related to the weakness of their kings in the areas of polygamy and adultery.

The sexual act is a very sacred part of marriage and should follow after a relationship between a man and a woman has developed to the point where they want to commit to each other for the rest of their lives. The sex act is only a small part of a good marriage – it follows from love and respect for one another, enjoying each other’s company and sharing every part of our lives. Sex that is no more than an animal act has nothing to do with love and respect. God does not look kindly on any abuse of our bodies. In 1 Corinthians 6, Paul reminds us that our bodies are members of Jesus himself and are the temple in which the Holy Spirit lives. It is unthinkable therefore that we should abuse them by immoral acts.

In 1 Corinthians 6.18, Paul tells us to flee from sexual immorality. In Genesis 39, we read the account of how one young man literally fled the scene to avoid sinning. Joseph was a servant in the home of Potiphar, a prominent Egyptian official whose wife tried to entice Joseph to sleep with her. Joseph ran in such haste that he left his cloak behind. Unfortunately, Potiphar’s wife then used this to tell lies and Joseph was sent to prison. However, he was left with a clean conscience before God, who brought eventual good out of the situation. In 2 Timothy 2.22, Paul writes, “Flee the evil desires.”

Adultery is strictly forbidden

Both Testaments are firmly opposed to adultery which is the 7^th of the 10 commandments. Solomon writes in Proverbs 5.20 to his son: ^“Why, my son, be intoxicated with another man’s wife? Why embrace the bosom of a wayward woman?” God has good reason for forbidding casual sex. It cannot happen without someone getting hurt. Think of this picture. If you take 2 pieces of corrugated cardboard and glue them together, they are very tightly stuck together. If you then try to pull them apart, it is not possible without pieces from one being torn off and sticking to the other. So when 2 people have come together in sexual union, it is not possible for them then to part without hurt and damage to both. Proverbs 6.27, 28 puts it this way: “Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched?”

King David himself was tempted by a beautiful married woman called Bathsheba. The account in 2 Samuel 11 tells us that he got her pregnant. David tried all ways to make it look like she was pregnant by her husband. He was not able to do this and so had him killed in battle. Having committed one sin, we find ourselves led into more and worse acts of deceit and violence. David thought he had got away with both adultery and murder, but the prophet Nathan came to confront him, and David realised his sin and shame. In Psalm 51, he tells God how truly sorry he is and he knew that acceptance of wrongdoing and owning up to it would ensure God’s forgiveness. He married Bathsheba and one of their sons, Solomon, was the next king. David was forgiven, but sin had consequences. The son conceived through adultery died in infancy. God will always forgive us when we go wrong, but sometimes we have to accept the consequences.

Jesus was very outspoken about adultery, but the story in John 8 also demonstrates God’s compassion and willingness to forgive. He came across a woman about to be stoned for committing adultery. He was very angry with the people who wanted to stone her to death. Jesus challenged them by asking if none of them had ever done anything wrong. Each accuser realised that confronted by this question, they could not in all honesty say that they had never done anything wrong. One by one, they threw down their stones and left the scene. We should be very careful of passing harsh judgement. In his sermon on the mount in Matthew 7, Jesus challenges all of us to examine the plank in our own eye before condemning the speck in another.

Like David, the woman experienced God’s forgiveness, but Jesus warned her that this did not mean she could resume her immoral way of life. She was admonished to stop sinning. In Romans chapter 5, Paul assures his readers that forgiveness of sin is a free gift through the grace of God. In chapter 6, he asks if this means we should keep sinning, so that we can keep experiencing God’s grace. His answer is a resounding No!

Adultery for Christians is more than the act itself.

Jesus goes even further than forbidding the sin of sexual union outside marriage.  In Matthew 5,27.28, he says that simply looking at a woman with sexual thoughts, our minds full of lust, is as bad as committing the act itself. That is a hard saying and one that goes so much against today’s culture. It is almost impossible to avoid images designed to arouse sexual desire - advertising slogans, tv programmes, books and newspapers. Accepted standards in society fall far short of what the Bible teaches. We need to learn to control not only our bodies, but our minds.

How do we do this?

Jesus said in Luke 6.45 that the heart speaks what the mouth is full of. What we say will reflect the state of our hearts. If we fill them with unwholesome things, then our speech will reflect this. If on the other hand we fill our minds with wholesome things, our words will reflect the purity of our inner being. In Ephesians 5.3,4, Paul says that there should be not even a hint of sexual immorality among Christians. We must steer clear of bad language, dubious jokes and let our talk rather be full of thanksgiving to God.

We in the church must stand firm against ever declining morals in society and reflect the pure love of Christ to the world.

I hope you will join us again for the next session, when we will begin to look at what the Bible teaches about relationships between children and parents.

Questions

How do Christians cope with the fact that divorce has become an accepted norm in society?

Should Christians not watch tv or go to the cinema?

How can we help one another in our fellowships to attain that purity of inner being?