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Hello, I’m Elaine Kung. We’re so glad to keep learning about how to SHINE Your Talk! We're gonna start looking at some very sticky situations such as your boss overloads you with work, your boss does not recognize your strengths, your subordinate is not performing, your co-worker is difficult to work with, your partner blames you for no reason, you were skipped at the promotion, your ideas were not well received. How to ask for a promotion or for a raise? How to ask for a mentor? All these are very real practical situations and could be sensitive, sticky situations. And then using our Biblical and practical principles, such as in Matthew 10:16, Jesus said: I’m sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore, be as shrewed as snakes and innocent as doves. So I learned from my 33 years of career through all my Bible study, my executive education training and my real world experience, learning how to be shrewed as snakes and innocent as doves. I’m gonna share those skills with you.
So to begin with, when you are faced with a sticky and sensitive situation, I suggest we start asking these six questions to find out the reason. REASON is an acrostic to help us ask ourselves.
First R - Reason. Why do they do that to me? Why would they do that? E -Empathy to what they need. What is their need? Think from their perspective. Last time we already studied more in depth the definition of emotional quotient and empathy and how to express empathy. So think from their perspective and be a servant leader.
A - Address their need. How can I address their need? Then S - Set boundary. What boundary do I need to set? So when I care about their needs, it doesn't mean that I don't care about my own needs. We need to care for both. That's the definition of assertive, we’re gonna look at that more later. So we want to set boundaries. And when your boundaries are crossed, we need to communicate in a proper way, and we’ll look into that. O - Offer solution. What message do I want to convey? And how can I convey the solution? And finally, N - Nurture trust. With all that reason and the six questions, my goal is to build trusted relationships.
How do I convey my message, the solution and the personal brand while building trusted relationships? How do I want to come across? Remember in the last few sessions, we’ve got to be God-aware, self-aware and others-aware. And that way, I’m connected to God, how I should communicate, have the wisdom from the Bible in the Holy Spirit. And I’m aware of how I’m expressing myself, how I’m feeling. Remember the emotional and spiritual balcony to calm myself and pause and breathe. And then others-aware, how do people see my message? What is my brand? Do I communicate maturity, professionalism, positive high EQ, These are the brand that you need to remember. What do you want to come across? So these are the six questions to ask in any sticky situation. So let's look at the first sticky situation on how you could communicate and be assertive. My boss overloads me with work. You can tell from these two cartoons, we are so stressed. Both this guy and lady are just feeling like they have to have these six or eight hands to do all the work that's expected of us. So what do we do? It happens all the time at work. So think about these six question. Why would my boss do this? Obviously, they probably have a lot of work from their boss or from their peers. So it's not easy for them either. So what is their need? How can I express the empathy? “Oh boss, I understand you have a lot of pressure from our higher ups.”
How can I address their need while setting boundary and offer solution and then build trust. So let's look at the solution. So we need to decide when to say no, or when to say yes, when we have additional responsibilities at work. For example, if my primary top priority work is gonna suffer, of course, I need to make it very clear. If I take one other secondary and not so important work, then the primary work is gonna suffer. So it's very important to explain that to your boss.
Of course, not just to make an excuse, but you have fact and you have substance to explain. And if actually the additional work belongs to someone else, obviously not within your responsibility, then I’m going to communicate that clearly. So first understand where the work is supposed to belong. And then, once you start taking on some of the additional work, if you don't find an exit strategy to be able to face our additional work, then you may need to, again, learn how to say no and said boundary, or when it won't contribute to growing your skill set, your career growth, or your network, these additional work may not be adding value.
Now I’m not saying all the additional work need to add value. It's just certain times, if you think it's really not the most beneficial to you or to the group, we need to know and think from the groups perspective as well. So there are occasions that these are some question to ask and consider.
And then when must you say no to your boss? When you feel that you're abused or you being harassed, that's very important. Really set the boundary. And if your boss expects you to bully others, we don't want to do that because that violates our biblical principles.
And when we are asked to break the law, anything that's unethical, when we ask to do something dangerous or really breaking the rule of the company and the group or make any unreasonable requests.
So these are all examples that we need to say no. And how you say no, there are many different techniques. And here's one idea we call the sandwich technique. So the top bread and the bottom bread both in a positive light and the middle the meat and all the goodies are where you gonna make suggestions or things that you may not agree with. So for example you start with saying, “I like how you follow through with your responsibility”. It has to be sincere positive feedback, cannot be hypocritical. So you really need to be observant and identify how they do a good work. And don't say “but”, if you say “but”, what you just said positive just go out the window. Say, “and I suggest you pay more attention to details” and then you give more suggestion. Then the closing bread, “this way, our project will benefit from your valuable contributions and be successful”. That way you start positive and you close positive.
In the case of your boss, here's what you would say. “Boss, thank you for trusting me with this additional responsibility. I appreciate the way that I can contribute more and right now, I have the most important and top priority work that I am putting 80 % of my time. The other 10-20 % are the training that we need to do in order to do the work. Well, this additional responsibility at this time would be more of a secondary and lower priority. I see that these work usually belong to this team A and perhaps I can discuss with them how they may look into their team structure and the work that belongs to them and how we can schedule those work. So this way, as a result I will continue to do good work with the top priority and what's the primary work that I should do well and keep up with my training. While this additional responsibility will find the right home for the work.
So this is a long, elaborate example of going through the sandwich style to communicate with your boss with positive suggestions and explain with good facts and substance, and then closing with the resulting benefit.
And now sometimes when your boss give you more workload and actually would be a disrespect to your family commitment, expecting you to go overtime on week nights or even weekends, time and time again.
Now there may be occasions that we could make exceptions to do some of the overtime. So we need to think again the reason I ask those six questions. So how are we gonna set boundary. So you want to have a direct, calm, polite, like the sandwich style communication, a good conversation with your boss. You highlight your commitment to the company, how you are committed to deliver value and deliver the best contribution to the company. How you want to share also we have commitment outside work. For example, as you build relationship with a boss, you would feel comfortable to say, I have children's basketball game that I am a coach for or I lead a small group discussion this evening or you have an anniversary celebration. You have various commitments which are valid. And also express your empathy that your boss also has their concern and their pressure and thir challenges that must be so difficult that you are asked to do more with less. So reflect on how they feel and truly and sincerely connecting to their emotion. And understanding their problem can also help to technically prioritize our work. If the boss think that this is important, we discuss how to align the additional work with your original work, so that we can all get on the same page. And say, if these additional work comes first, then I will shift the priority and the original work will have a shifted schedule. And that way, we would be able to communicate and set boundary. And plan ahead, If I need to go early to pick up our children for some special events, then I want to plan ahead so that's not a surprise to the boss and make sure things can be predicted.
And of course, sometimes there may be exceptions. The planning is crucial so that it is not a last minute change. Also, we'll learn how to set boundary by good communication practice such as regular email update, or daily check-ins so that the boss know exactly the top priority you're working on and then keep everyone informed of where you are, what your progress is and then establish clear work life boundary, whether you come to work at 8am and leave at 5pm or 6pm. And make it a habit during your work hours that you really make good and valuable contribution instead of wasting your time.
So that way you're productive, effective, and efficient. And also will spend a whole session in the future to talk about how are we going to have good and effective one-on-one meeting with your boss. We have these good, healthy, regular one-on-one. Your boss will know exactly what you're working on. They know your priority, they know your contribution, and they would not be likely to give you more work in an unreasonable way. So we're gonna learn that in the next session, how to have effective one-on-one meeting.
And if nothing else helps, your primary peers, your partners, your coworkers, and prayer partners and allies to give you support. And together seek God to see if this really is the work that you want to continue to do. Because if nothing works and all these didn't help it may be time to move.
So these are the 5S steps for me to seek God in all my 16 job changes in my 33 years.
And God has always made it very clear as I walk through these five steps. First is the scripture. What does the Bible say? That gives us wisdom and know what is aligned to God's word and the truth. Of course, the Bible doesn't say which company, which jobs.
And yet, if we are familiar with God's word, the scripture, we will be aligned to God’s agenda. Second S is God’s Holy Spirit as we pray we have the peace and confirmation.
Then the third S is the support through God's people who love you and love God. We can ask them for advice and pray together and confirm God’s leading. And the fourth S is the surrounding, all the different circumstances, different common sense, the different tools. Some of these well go through in this class. Some of them are in a different class.
We'll learn what are the options. The pros and cons. The right timing or not. And finally God’s sovereignty. He's in control, He's in charge, He reigns. If we walk with these steps and walk with God, trust and obey. For there's no other way to be happy with Jesus but to trust and obey and surrender to His leading. You'll never go wrong. And through these five steps in a chronological and a priority order, He would definitely guide you in the right way. God’s sovereignty is trusting God with the result. You do your best and God will bless you with the rest. And God will guide you through this process. So I hope what we shared today will be your head knowledge, heart conviction and practice with your hand and then make it into a habit, time, and time again.
Think of what you're gonna start doing, how you see God’s will in these five steps. How you’re gonna stop complaining, how you be positive with your boss using more of the sandwich style communication and doing less of the complaining. See you next time.
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